Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
