I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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