OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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