I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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