dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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