the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
