I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
