I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
