im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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