ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
