Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
