She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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