Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
