I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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