my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
