Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
