is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
His nipple licking is glorious
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