soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
