There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
