Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
