if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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