i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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