Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
