the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
