i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
