if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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