No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
