put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
