He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
