Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
