If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
