I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
