The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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