It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
