I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
