and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
