I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
