She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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