At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
