Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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