I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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