It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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