I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
