he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
