the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
