I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
