Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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