There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
