I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
