She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
