Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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