i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
