I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
