I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
