I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
