He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
