i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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