That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
