Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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