i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
